chronicles of drunkeness

It's a shitty blog thing

Thursday, December 15, 2005

chronicles of drunkeness

From Guardian Unlimited:

Hail to the New chief

Bush's 2000 campaign tactics could prove to be a map to political fortune for British Conservatives

Sidney Blumenthal
Thursday December 15, 2005
The Guardian

At the low point of his presidency, after a disastrous first year of his second term, his domestic programmes out of favour, his foreign policy out of strategy, George Bush has at last attracted an imitator. David Cameron, 39, the new leader of the Conservative party, a fresh face without wear and tear, unabashedly claims to personify the future. He seems to embrace aspects of Blair's policies, so as to present himself as Blairite without the burdens of having been Blair: a "reformer" without a past. His implied promise is to conserve Blair's achievements and continue some version of their logic, while casting doubt on the commitment of Blair's rivals and critics within his party. Cameron is New Labour without Labour, just New. But the strategy is not new; it is adapted from the playbook of Bush's 2000 campaign.

Article continues
Bush confronted a popular two-term Democratic president credited with peace and prosperity. Clinton's vice president was his natural successor. Republican positions on domestic policy were almost uniformly unpopular.

As governor of Texas, Bush turned his inexperience in national government into a virtue: he was outside the fray and free of its rancour. The Republicans had shut down the federal government twice and impeached Clinton. Bush promised to "change the tone in Washington". He said that he was "a uniter, not a divider".

It was Bush who first assumed the mantle of "compassionate conservatism". He picked a fight with the draconian Republican house majority leader, Tom DeLay, who was against Clinton's programme for deferring tax-credit payments to the working poor. He also distanced himself from some of his own party's positions on social issues, saying that the Republicans had too often portrayed "America as slouching toward Gomorrah".

Bush appeared to reject the right-wing economic hard line, instead emphasising issues associated with the Democrats such as education. It was essential for him to try to erase Democratic management of the economy from the campaign. Under Clinton, 22 million jobs were created, poverty reduced by one-quarter, and the greatest deficit had been replaced by the greatest budget surplus. Bush fostered the notion that none of this had happened as a result of difficult policy decisions and that the economy ran on automatic pilot.

Bush's press conference to announce he would not answer questions about his past drug use and alcoholism made him an empathetic figure of his generation in contrast with traditional Republican troglodytes. And the attacks on Bush as shallow, simplistic and ignorant only contributed to the image of the scion as a man of the people.

In order to shift discussion away from Bush's proposals, which were not generally accepted, he strained to make the election a contest of personalities. Al Gore was painted as hopelessly dour, dull and dutiful. His mastery of policy was turned into an object of derision, a nerdy quirk. Before the debates, the formidable Gore was depicted as mean, nasty and unfair. Gore was finally goaded into taking the bait and tried to demonstrate his niceness by agreeing with the nice Bush. Clinton had advised relentlessly drawing the sharpest possible differences on policy but was ignored, and nearly tore his hair out.

Once in office, a closed, harsh and ideological president replaced the seemingly open-minded, tolerant and pragmatic candidate. But the palimpsest of the nearly forgotten earlier Bush remained to be discovered by David Cameron as a map to political fortune. Cameron's profession to be a true "compassionate conservative" is step one.

· Sidney Blumenthal, a former senior adviser to President Clinton, is the author of The Clinton Wars

sidney_blumenthal@yahoo.com

Monday, December 12, 2005

chronicles of drunkeness

chronicles of drunkeness

Came back to manchester, in vague limbo, what is happening? My mother managed to push me back towards rails...

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Medlea: my:Week

off home from uni thisevening, thankfuck... dodgy term

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Random putting on some student puppy fat

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

boss that overhang you mauler

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Mummy, Daddy and the kids

Thursday, September 15, 2005

torchlight

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

View from top of Mont Blanc

Monday, September 12, 2005

Above the clouds

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Ollie's wierd nipple

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Tartiflette

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Summit ridge of mont Blanc de Tacul

Friday, August 12, 2005

gatecrasher classics

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Just acquired broadband

Will shortly be bringing you numerous updates as my mother hasfinally capitulated and we have broadband at home!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Getting pissed in Rome

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Glastonbury



Our tent is in the bottom left hand corner of this picture, it was green... sadly it is no longer with us!!

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Torremolinos

Friday, May 20, 2005

Letterbox

Which is worse? Stairs or letterbox? Any answers....

Stairs

What's wrong with this patient?

Thursday, May 19, 2005

The Bop - Preview

Sometimes the Dalton Crew have a challenge, usually set and completed by Tom Mole.
Previous challenges have included:
The Vodka challenge - drink as much as you can before Club Trop
The Boss the Boddys challenge - six cans in one hour
The White Lightning Challenge - a three litre bottle before Sankeys Soap
The Centurion Challenge - a shot of beer per minute for one hundred minutes
there have of course been others - some so successful that I can't remember them.

I don't know whether the theme is immediately obvious, but they all tend to revolve around drinking alcohol - in abundance. This is usually a disadvantage for Tom Brookes, who is very bad at this.
I feel unable to use anything other than political rhetoric to describe the spectacular about turn of Mole in this regard. Tomorrow's challenge is the detox challenge. No alcohol. At all. Not a sausage (they're high in saturated fats).

It doesn't even hit me the hardest. Tomorrow is a birthday bop; Andy, Graham and Ed have all celebrated, of a fashion, birthdays this past week.
Imagine the scene: drunken coursemate accosts Graham and asks him if he wants a drink to celebrate.

Graham: Oh yeah, cheers mate.
Coursemate: Cool, I'll join the queue, what do you want?
G: A cup of tea please.
CM: I'm sorry? I'm sure you just said you'd like a cup of tea...
G: I did.
CM: hahahahahahhaahhaha...
G: What's funny? I can't drink tonight; besides they sell it here - 60p if I remember rightly, just below the mineral water.
CM: Of course I know that! Don't you realise that it won't be any of your highfalutin teas? It'll be from a plastic cup too!
G: *mutters under breath, whilst blushing* Green Monster please.

After initial misgivings at the plan, I now am warming to the idea. It'll help all of our exams and it'll be a change. After all the P managed it for the whole of lent, so it shouldn't be too bad.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Kenco helpline

Graham and the Coffee

Today being Graham's birthday, and the day before exams start, he naturally wanted to try something new. After all, at 17 he could drive, at 18 vote and get married; what is there at 19?

After much discussion with Jonny and Tom, he decided that he would try and get to like the taste of coffee. Liking to think of himself as a petit-connoisseur of tea; he naturally makes a good pot. Having never really drunk coffee and having only made it using the machine and powder at work he needed instruction in this august task.

The kettle was boiled in advance, to save time whilst getting the equipment.

The initial search for directions proved fruitless. Not wanting to give up he tried again: a small section of the label yielded the following nugget
"Coffee Line
Call 0808 100 8787
for free coffee advice (UK)"
Resisting the temptation to snort some, the number was dialed - a man answered the phone, instantly, who sounded genuinely surprised to be called into work.

[My thoughts are added in italics throughout this dialogue.]

Coffee Advisor: H-Hello Kenco Coffeeline *name* [It's to be something classy, the two strike a good rapport, how about Matt? ] speaking...
Graham: Hello there!
CA: Hello, how can I help you?
G: It's a bit embarrassing really, I've never really made a cup of coffee before - where do I begin? [Starts off on completely the wrong tack; he's honest! I'd have said I was making coffee for the prospective mother-in-law, or my new boss at least.]
CA: Is it freeze dried coffee you have there?
[Long Pause]
CA: Which variety do you have?
G: AAhhhh. [Bisto!] Kenco Really Smooth...
CA: AAhhhh yes, a good choice sir. That is freeze dried coffee.
G: AAhhhh.
CA: Yes, quite. Now what you want to do is get a teaspoon of those coffee granules, it can be heaped or level depending on your taste, and add it to the bottom of your cup. [Quite hard to add it to the top of the cup]
G: Mmhmm
CA: Freshly draw some water [I never could get the hang of this, maybe that's why I always did so badly in art lessons, I always put the glint in the wrong place] and boil it. After boiling, leave it to cool down for a minute or so. Then pour the water over the coffee granules until the cup is nearly full.
G: Yes, that makes sense.
CA: Now stir the coffee and pour as much milk as you like into the cup [provided it doesn't overflow] and stir that in too. Then you can add sugar to taste.
G: Thank you very much. You've been most helpful...
CA: That's quite alright, thank you for calling the Kenco Coffee Line.
G: No, no, thank you!

Returning to the kitchen only to find that the water in the kettle had cooled down again, he braced himself for the trial.
Offering to make a cup of coffee for the Peacock too, he proceeded to make it to the exact specification given, even using a proper measuring spoon that his mum had gave him in a set. [Maybe she thought he'd be baking a lot at university...] Not having a stopwatch, he made do with a clock to time the cooling of the kettle.
He professed this to be the nicest cup of coffee he'd drunk.
"Yes, I could rather get a taste for this."

* * * * *
[This is a literary device to indicate that some time passes between the preceding and the forthcoming.]

"I'm going to phone him back and say thank you!"
Phoning from the phone in the rooms of Dalton Ellis is a wearisome task. As an example:
Lift up reciever and dial 66
[A pause of some seconds]
Robotic Female: Wel-come please en-ter your PIN
Impatient resident: Grrrrr, [praying at the same time not to make any mistakes] Done

* * * * *
RF: You have Four Pounds and nine-ty sev-en pence remaining. Your credit is less than fi-vé pounds. To add credit to your account using a credit press one...
* * * * *
[The most depressing mistake here is to mistype the phone number.]
So here we go:
0808 100 87 87
[phew!]
Beep Beep Beep.
RF: Unable to connect.
IR: GAH!

Five minutes later:

He reaches the number and is played some classical music down the phone which sounds as though it is actually being played on the Heinz tin I used as a phone with my friend when I was 6. The first voice you hear is a computer telling that the phone call will be recorded for training purposes. After several announcements that "One of our operators will get through to you as soon as possible." a man called Nick answered the phone.
He didn't sound lively and full of vim, he sounded tired.

Nick: Thank-you for phoning the Kenco Coffeeline, this is Nick speaking, how can I help you?
Graham: I was phoning to convey my thanks actually: I phoned earlier and asked for instructions on how to make a nice cup of coffee and was given some. I then had the nicest cup of coffee I've had.
[Short pause]
N: Oh! Right. Erm... can you remember which of our team you spoke to?
G: Dash it, I've forgotten. Might it have been you?
[The tone of the man's voice changes here from bemused surprise to certainty]
N: No. No. It wasn't me.
G: Oh. [Figuring that this means there are at least three guys working there.] Right, well... I felt that I should express my gratitude.
N: Well, I'll pass on your thanks to the whole team.
G: Good.

It is fairly clear what happens next. Nick will stand up from his chair and using his headset as a gavel, draw order to the vast Kenco Coffee Line department. He will then proceed to play back the whole phone call to his colleagues. They will all laugh.

I'm sure if you want to phone and have conversations with them you can. You can even rest easy in the knowledge that it is a free call, unlike the evil dairy from That Mitchell and Webb Sound.


Monday, May 16, 2005

Matty G joins in the fracas

Welcome to the raw vegetable eating, blonde, enigmatic and very cool Matty G. Joining the drunken events commentator team!

Matty G himself, on top form!!!

Skype

Everyone should get skype and a mic because then there would be no need for endless typing on msn.... and its really cheap to phone landlines and its free to call other computers..... im not being paid to say this

Funland!

Check out the stickmen link........ it makes me dizzy! Never get bored of it1

Progress test - ridiculous

42. A 52 year old hospital cleaner of Jamaican origin complains of shortness of breath which has grually worsened over the last sixth months. He has a history of hypertension and joint pain. An X-ray shows a very fine mottled pattern, and a blood test shows hyprcalcaemia.

What is the most likely cause of the patient's breathlessness?

A Atypical pneumonia
B Carcinoma of the bronchus
C Sarcoidosis
D Secondary cacinoma
E tuberculosis

Answer: Who knows

Saturday, May 14, 2005

The attic/roof

Dalton Ellis Main Hall: Ecstatic to find the way into the attic and then onto the main roof, was like something out of Harry potter. We've chalked our names up alongside students dating back to 1972. Quite an adventure.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Fight Time

After a pint had been pored over me and they said they were 23... Stevey seemed to be quite up for it!